Mental Health Chat
The topic of mental health is a big one, and rightfully so. The world we live in today is far from natural. The constant hustle of work, the rising cost of living, million-dollar homes, and being endlessly reachable through a cell phone can quietly chip away at a person’s mental wellbeing. I wanted to share a bit of my heart because lately, I’ve been struggling.
Since around March, my mental health has felt like a battle. It started as a heaviness that I tried to push through, but by June, it hit me in full force. I’ve always struggled deeply with loss. Sometimes it feels like I live in a constant state of grief that ebbs and flows but never fully leaves.
Last year, I watched my Grampy slowly decline from lung cancer until he passed in September 2024. It was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. Watching someone I love and deeply admire slowly wither away was heartbreaking. I know he is with God, but losing him profoundly affected me and my family.
I was already carrying the loss of my dad, who passed in 2019. Then earlier this year, a relationship ended, which brought another wave of grief. June has always been a tender month for me because it marks the anniversary of my dad’s passing and Father’s Day. This June, something else was taken from me, and the weight of it all became overwhelming.
These layers of loss led me into a very dark place. There were moments when I genuinely was not sure how to find my way out. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2015, and I have navigated some very intense episodes over the years including major suicidal ideation, psychosis, rage, and self-harm. I still live with it today, though thankfully not at the same severity as before. Over time, I have learned how to take better care of myself. I quit drinking. I eat clean. I move my body. I do the work.
Even with all of that, the last four months have been some of the darkest I have experienced in a long time. On the outside, most people would never know. I am high functioning. I show up. I smile. I keep moving forward. But behind the scenes, I have been carrying an immense amount of pain. The grief has been relentless, and it has left me feeling exhausted in ways that words can barely capture.
Through it all, God has been my anchor. Even in the moments when I felt lost and unsure if I could keep going, He met me in the darkness and pulled me through. There were nights when all I could do was cry out to Him, and He gave me strength I didn’t think I had. His presence reminded me that I am never truly alone, even in my lowest moments.
With that said, I truly don’t know where I would be without my community. I have always tried to show up for others and give my all, but sometimes I need a boost too, and my people have done nothing but lift me up. Honestly, they have saved my life.
Therapy is incredibly important, and I cannot recommend it enough. I need to get back into it myself. But there is something powerful about surrounding yourself with genuine, uplifting people. The kind who can see you at your lowest and love you through it. You know who you are, and I appreciate you more than I can ever put into words.
I am still working through everything and fighting every day, but having this kind of support, along with my faith, reminds me that I am not alone.
I do not have a major point behind this blog post. I just wanted to be vulnerable and real with you all. I struggle too. I am far from perfect. And sometimes, all we can do is show up and do our absolute best.
XOXO,
Brittany
